When Angels Die
by Invader Nicole
Summary: Blood, thats all the teal, aquacolored eyes see as she leaves him. He see's his blood surrounding him, and no ones there to help until the end. Tohma angst fic. Complete.
1. Chop Suey

Hello people, been a while since I wrote something. This is my first time doing something for the Gravitation section so I hope it turns out okay. It's a songfic of 'Chop Suey' by System of a Down. It's mostly a little angsty Tohma, but I'll try and add in some other stuff. Whether this is a one-shot or chapter fic, I'm not sure. Ja ne (later). -Invader Nicole (2/25/05)

P.S.: This is actually the second time I'm posting it, I had posted it a little while ago, but it never actually showed up on Gravitation section. I did get one review though:

KitsuneAkai13  
2005-02-26  
ch 1, signed

wow! awesome fic! . i luved it so much . all the pain and suffering, your descriptions of everything were very good. mm, it's sad tomha died, i'm assuming he did, which is why i agree with u, it's a good one-shot. .- excellent actually. and the song went really well. . i have to add this to my fav list! wonderful job, good luck with yur future work. .- ja ne. grins see, this review is so much longer then the previous one on the other site. . hehe, tootles.

Thank you so much for reviewing, you'll probably be my only one, but still I am content. I've decided this will be a two-chapter fic and there will be a follow-up afterwards. Yay form me. With that said, I hope everyone enjoys the fic. -Invader Nicole (3/23/05)

oooooooooooooooooo

"When Angels Die"

By Invader Nicole

oooooooooooooooooo

Blood, droplets slowly dripping onto the crimson colored sleeves of his nightclothes, trickling and staining the cloth that hung loosely upon his wrists and forearms. We wiped it away, feeling foolish for doing so since more beads of blood slowly appeared from the wound. _'Let it spill_, something whispered in his mind. _'You can always buy more clothes, can't you? Now that she's gone you can anyway.'_The bearer of the bleeding arm laughed softly to himself. The thing, whatever it was, conscious or insanity; was correct. Now that she had left him he would be able to buy more stuff. He still could've with her there, but now he could probably get more music equipment as well. Maybe a new synthesizer?

"Or are these just excuses? Am I lying to myself?" he asked himself, listening to his voice echo off the pale white walls of the dark room. "I don't know anymore . . ."

He picked up the small razor lying next to him off the floor, wiping away at the dried blood and any remnants of dirt. He didn't want to risk getting an infection. _'And why not? I don't see why you torture yourself so much. Just end it already, infections lead to disease, and disease usually leads to death. Simplicity.'_

"Because if I ever did die I would want to die from something better than dirt in my skin. That's almost as pathetic as dying unconsciously with your face in a three inch puddle, which is pretty damn sad."

_'No, what is really sad is that you don't even realize that your talking to yourself. Your just talking to bare walls, no one is answering you, your merely answering yourself. I'm sure she would've though of you as insane if she saw you like this. Maybe that's why she up and left.'_

"Maybe," the man said as his usually bright aqua eyes scanned the room. The 'thing' was correct, as he expected it to be, no one was in the room. No one was listening to him, he was talking to himself. His vapid eyes, half closed and half dazed, went back to the small still-bleeding cuts on his wrists and forearms. He twisted the razor in his fingers, admiring the way it seemed to glow in the rays of the moonlight that shined through the window. He pressed the razor blade into his pale skin, dragging it across until he could see blood beginning to pop up. Scratch. Scratch. Scratch. These were the noises he heard over and over, not wanting to stop.

'It's my fault she left, it's all my fault. She would've never left if I had paid more attention to her. She wouldn't have thrown her ring at me, she would've never said those harsh things to me.'

_"I'm sick of this! You love Eiri more than you love me, why the hell did you even ask me to marry you! It's over, find someone else to be here and wait for you!" she said as she tore the small gold ring of her finger, tossing it at him as it made contact with his shirt and fell at his feet. She grabbed the suitcase sitting near the door, walked out the door and slammed it behind her. The last thing he saw were her tear-filled eyes and locks of chestnut hair as she walked out the door._

'_Those weren't harsh words, they were the truth, and you know it.'_

"I know what she says was true, but I love Mika. It's all my fault, I made her upset. I messed up her life, just like I messed up Eiri's when he was in New York." The thoughtquickening the slicing of his arm. 'Just like I messed up Aizawa when I pushed him in front of the car." Scratch. Scratch. Scratch. "And when I reunited Nittle Grasper, I hurt Mr. Shindou, making him see that the time for idolizing was over and that Ryuichi Sakuma could no longer be his hero. I hurt so many people . . "

He stopped his rampant cutting as he noticed he was no longer sitting on the mahogany wood floor of his living room, but in a pool of blood. His blood. The blood that flowed from his wrists and forearms, staining the floor, his pants, his shirt and sleeves. He could feel his arms going totally numb, he loved the feeling. He felt somewhat separated from the world. He felt as if he had caused no one pain, he was at bliss. He smiled at the numbness, the tranquility as he was cut off from the world, from his body. After a few minutes the numbness went away, replaced by a burning pain that ran through his whole arm. He opened his eyes and desperately wanted to swallow a whole bottle of painkillers.

"Why did this have to happen to me?" he asked himself again. "Why did I have to cause so much grief onto people, mostly the people I love. Not counting Taki Aizawa, of coarse." His shoulders shook as sobs began to overtake his whole body, hot tears trickling down his cheeks. His platinum blonde hair falling in front of him like a curtain from the world. He brushed it away and picked himself up. He walked into the room he once shared with his wife and lay down onto the mattress, not bothering to cover himself with the white sheets. He lay his head on the pillow, grabbing the usually occupied one next to him and holding it tightly to his chest and face, breathing in the rose-like scent of his wife. "I'm so sorry, Mika . ." were his words as he cried himself into slumber.

_Wake up, _

_  
Grab a brush and put a little (makeup), _

_  
Grab a brush and put a little, _

_  
Hide the scars to fade away the (shakeup) _

_  
Hide the scars to fade away the, _

Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?

_Here you go create another fable_

The loud beeping if his alarm clock shattered his nightly bliss as he opened his aqua-colored eyes and winced as the sun's rays burned them. He pulled one of his arms free from the tangles of the bed sheets that wrapped around him as he slept, turning off the alarm black and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The clock read 6:30 a.m., indicating he had to be at work in an hour. He got out of bed and stepped onto the cold, wooden floor, walking towards the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and stared at his reflection in the mirror, staring at his own bloodshot eyes and tangled hair. He looked awful and he knew it.

_'I'd advise you to shower and wash away the blood on your arms before someone notices, you look like you've been through hell and back.'_

"Shower, right," he mumbled to himself as he turned on the bath faucets, letting the bathroom fill with steam. He disrobed himself of his nightclothes and stepped into the shower. The water felt good against his cold skin, washing away some of his physical residue and worries. But like most things, the water couldn't wash away what he felt. Memories came back to him, what had happened and what he had done. He stared at the markings, tracing his fingers over the red markings, wincing at the mere touch. Tears fell down his cheeks, making his eyes hurt more than when he awoke. He furiously brushed them away, knowing it was idiotic to do, more tears came with each passing second. As he reached for the soap on the soap box, he saw it. 'It' was the razor he used to shave with. 'It' was his ticket to run his mind through.

_'Do it, Tohma, you know you want to.'_

The blonde didn't know what he wanted anymore, all he knew was that he wanted to escape. He snatched the razor from the soap box and threw it at the shower wall, listening to it smash and fall into the floor, watching as it broke apart and the razors stopped at his feet. Gingerly, he picked up the razors, tossing aside the plastic parts. Without any hesitation, only the voice repeating it's last message, he cut open his wounds again, moaning at the numb feeling as it approached and enveloped him. He made new markings, slashing the razor across his arms, legs, and torso. He wanted to stay there, watching as the water from the bath and his blood mixed, the feeling of his body as it went numb and the feel of the water dripping down his back. He stopping when the hot water ran out and he realized he'd be late to work. He dried himself off and walked back inside his room, reminding himself to clean up the living room floor and bathroom when he returned.

_'Why clean up? Mika's not here so why bother keeping the house clean for her?'_

'It didn't matter if Mika was there or not, he liked his house clean, and he certainly didn't want any guests seeing blood stains on the carpeting or floor, or on the bathroom tiles. It'd be a bitch to get out of the carpet that was for sure. He dressed in his black pants and violet red long-sleeved drawstrings shirt, slipping on his gray loafers and black trench coat as he combed his hair before putting on his black Quaker-like hat. Before he left he pulled a roll of bandages from a drawer and slid them into his suitcase as he left the house and got into his red sports car.

_You wanted to, _

_  
Grab a brush and put a little makeup, _

_  
You wanted to, _

_  
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup, _

_  
You wanted to, _

Why'd you leave the keys upon the table,

_You wanted to,_

"Ohiyo gozaimas, Mr. Seguchi" greeted the secretary.

"Ohiyo, to you too." Tohma nodded and took the elevator to the floor that held his office. As he got out he could hear the pink-haired genki vocalist of Bad Luck, Shuichi Shindou, sing out lyrics to "Blind Game Again," the verses ringing in the hallways that he couldn't help but over hear.

_Blind Game Again kanari kireteru doll (Blind Game Again, Quite a worn-out crumpled doll)_

_itsumo demo kawaranai yoru o buchikowase (Shatter the eternally-unchanging nights)_

_zawameku kaze ni meguru raito ga (Amid the rustling wind, the light around me)_

_oto o tatete kioku tobasu kitto shiranu huzumonai yuwaku (makes a sound that slips through my memory. There's a temptation I certainly had)_

_kokoro o midasu kimi no beis ja nani mo nokosezu yoru no akeru (your pace, with your heart thrown into turmoil. The night where nothing can be helped)_

_mada mienu shuuchaka wa genkaku (It's yet-unseen conclusion is still an illusion)_

_Don't Let Me Down itsumo kobiteru dake (Don't Let Me Down, You're always just flirting)_

_Cry for the sun, nani mo mie yashinai (Cry for the sun, I can't see anything at all)_

_jibun no naka de dare ga sakebu? (Who is it that's screaming inside me?)_

_Blind Game Again kanari kimeteru doll (Blind Game Again, quite an indecisive doll)_

_todokanai yume naraitsu nugi sutero (If it's a dream that can't be reached, well, then-let's fling it away)_

_Drastic game again kanari kireteru doll (Drastic game again, quite a worn out, crumpled doll)_

_itsuma demo kawaranai yoru o buchikowase (Shatter the eternally-unchanging nights)_

_nagareru namida habikoru uso ni jibun o somete yume o nisu (These flowing tears have stained me with rampant lies and let my dreams escape)_

_sora ni mau haiiro no jountsu (ash-gray passion dances in the sky) _

_Don't Let Me Down kitto kitsu kyashinai (Don't Let Me Down, I'm sure you won't notice)_

_Cry for the sun kimi to kowaretai ze (Cry for the sun, I want to be broken with you)_

_subete o moyasu toki o tomeru (Let's stop time in the instant when we burn everything . . .)_

_Blind Game Again shiketa hitomi no doll (Blind Game Again, a misty-eyed doll)_

_imi no naku namida nagashika yoru ga akeru (The night when those meaningless tears flowed has passed for us)_

_Drastic Game again tomeidake no doll (Drastic Game again, a doll that only sighs)_

_dokoma demo kawaranai yoru o buchikowase (Shatter the nights that never change, no matter where)_

_Blind Game Again, kanari kimiteru doll (Blind Game Again, quite an indecisive doll)_

_todokanai yume naraitsu nugi sutero (if it's a dream that can't be reached, well, then-lets fling it away)_

_Drastic game again, kanari kireteru doll (Drastic game again, quite a worn-out, crumpled doll)_

_itsuma demo kawaranai yoru a buchikowase (Shatter the eternally-unchanging nights) _

Tohma quickened his pace, wanting to get away from the hallway that rung with the lingers that stung. _"Don't Let Me Down kitto kitsu kyashinai (Don't Let Me Down, I'm sure you won't notice.)"_ Could that have been what Mika felt when he didn't pay attention to her? _"dokoma demo kawaranai yoru o bushikowase (Shatter the nights that never change, no matter where)" _He wished he could've noticed earlier, he wished he could've stopped Mika. He would've changed for her, he loved her. _"itsuma demo kawaranai yoru a bichikowase (Shatter the eternally-unchanging nights)"_ Had she been planning this for a long time? Leaving him, had she planned it?

"Most likely . . ." he whispered as he walked down the hall to his office.

"Excuse me, Mr. Seguchi?"

Tohma looked up to see the familiar black eyes framed by glasses, bangs of blue hair falling in front of the persons cinnamon-colored complexion. "Hello, Mr. Sakano."

"Mr. Seguchi, are you feeling okay? You look, pardon my saying but, a bit pale." stated the usually nervous producer.

"I'm fine, don't worry about it. Probably just a minor flu," Tohma said as he waved his hand, signaling it as a brush off and continued to walk to his office.

Tohma finally reached the all-too-familiar brown, unlocking it and walking inside, shutting the door behind himself. He staggered towards his desk and sat down, well, more like fell down into his chair. He felt pain riding up onto his legs, his eyes glazed over as he tried to focus. He saw blood trickling at the hem of his pants legs, staining thegray cloth to a wet spot. He cursed silently to himself, his wounds must've opened us, most likely the ones around his ankles. He opened his briefcase and pulled out the roll of bandages, cutting off pieces with his teeth. He tied a good amount around his ankles, which he was correct, were the ones bleeding.

He removed his trench coat, hanging it on the back of his chair as he decided to bind his other wounds as well. As he began rolling up his sleeves to mend the cuts on his arms, he heard a knock at the door. He opened a drawer and shoved the bandages and leftover pieces into it, slamming it shut and pulling his shirt sleeves over his wrists before announcing for the person to enter. It was Sakano, a cup of tea in one hand and a bottle of what looked like 'Tylenol' in the other.

"Mr. Sakano, what brings you here?"

"I've come to bring you tea sir, you look a bit ill, and I brought a few painkillers just in case you might need them."

"Arigato, Sakano-san. Please leave the whole bottle, if you don't mind."

Sakano looked a bit shocked, but left the bottle on the desk with the tea. "Also, I need to have Bad Luck's tour schedule, it's due today."

Tohma groaned to himself, he had forgotten to finish it last night, which was a first for the always-prepared president/keyboardist. "Gomen nosai, Sakano-san, it slipped my mind. I'll have it to you by the end of the day, that I can assure you of."

"Okay, have a good day Mr. President."

"As to you," Tohma said as Sakano left the door. Tohma sighed in relief, he didn't want anyone to know that he had cut himself, especially Sakano who seemed to worry about everything. He opened the drawer and pulled out the bandages, as he lifted them he saw what lied underneath them. A pencil sharpener, the razor blade gleaming in the light. Tohma's eyes shook as he stared at it. He wanted to use it, badly, he wanted the numb feeling to return to him. "Mika . . . "

_I don't think you trust, _

In, my, self righteous suicide,

_I, cry, when angels deserve to die, Die,_

Tohma dropped the bandages onto the floor, not watching as they rolled under his desk. He picked up the sharpener, stared at the blade. 'If I use it I could finish off everything, I wouldn't cause Mika anymore pain. I wouldn't cause anyone any pain. Mika deserves better, someone not so much like me. I . . . don't belong here."

_Wake up, _

_  
Grab a brush and put a little (makeup), _

_  
Grab a brush and put a little, _

_  
Hide the scars to fade away the (shakeup) _

_  
Hide the scars to fade away the, _

Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?

_Here you go create another fable_

Tohma used a pen to unscrew the tiny screw, the screw that held the blade inside the sharpener. The blade he would use. The blade he needed. The blade he wanted. Snap, the screw fell and rolled onto the carpeted floor. The blade easily slipped out of its plastic holder, falling onto Tohma's desk, shining from the sunlight that escaped Tohma's wall-sized office window. He rolled up the sleeves of his black shirt, looking at the scab marks that appeared over the previous cuts. His fingers picked up the blade, admiring it's beauty.

"This is for the best, I want Mika to be happy, and clearly, I'm not. I make her mad," he said as he pushed the razor's edge into his wrist, pushing it until he tore past the flesh and past the veins, slicing them apart. Blood was flowing steadily, soaking his rolled up sleeves and slowly dripping onto the front of his shirt. Blood stained his finger tips, but he didn't care.

"It's best for everyone that I'm gone, I just get in the way of everyone. If it wasn't for me, Mr. Shindou would probably have a better relationship with Yuki. If it wasn't for me, Yuki would've never gone to New York and met Kitazawa, he would've never have gone through what he did, he wouldn't be this person in pain today . . ."

Tears began welling up in his eyes, desperately trying to escape. He loved Eiri so much, it hurt him deeply over the years as he watched Eiri change from an innocent kid who dreamed of being a novelist, to a man who never wanted to get close to anyone, smoked like a chimney, had an attitude problem, and never wanted to have anyone special ever again, even Tohma. He couldn't stand it any longer, the tears fell from his once bright eyes, the two aqua eyes that now only held sorrow. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt Eiri, and that's exactly what he had done.

_You wanted to, _

_  
Grab a brush and put a little makeup, _

_  
You wanted to, _

_  
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup, _

_  
You wanted to, _

_  
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table, _

_You wanted to,_

_I don't think you trust, _

_  
In, my, self righteous suicide, _

_  
I, cry, when angels deserve to die _

_  
In my, self righteous suicide, _

_I, cry, when angels deserve to die_

"I'm sorry, Eiri . . . I deserve to die because of what I've done to you. I just hope you can forgive me." Tohma finally let himself out in one fatal cry, screaming as loud his voice would allow it. He could've sworn Buddha must've heard him, if not all of Japan. He stabbed the razor across his arms, tearing at the fabric, not caring that he was tearing apart his shirt. He stabbed at his stomach, using the razor like claws and scratching until the crimson fluid dripped and sleeked his thin body. He tore at his thighs and legs, ignoring the pain and the fact that the numbness suddenly didn't appear. 'I don't care anymore! I don't want to stay here anymore! I'm tired of being a burden onto others!' were the things that repeated themselves over and over in his mind. Was he going mad? Tohma thought so, all he could hear was the same questions being asked, no voice to answer them this time.

_Father, Father, Father, Father, _

Father/ Into your hands / I / commend my spirit,

_Father, into your hands,_

His eyes began to blur, all he could make out were his desk, the walls, and his weapon. He saw it gleam, his vision was leaving quickly though. He couldn't see the pool of blood that surrounded him, couldn't see the way his fingers twitched, couldn't see his skin going paler with each passing second. He couldn't hear the fists banging on the door, couldn't hear the voices screaming "Tohma! Are you alright? Mr. Seguchi, please answer!" He couldn't hear anything, he couldn't hear his own screams as they rang in his office. His vision to himself was gone, all around him was darkness, nothing but an abyss that he hoped would swallow him. Then he saw a door, the door to leave his life behind? He hoped so. He tried to stand up, then fell back against the floor, feeling his body throb in agony as blood began to stain where he lay. His muscles were dead, he had torn them up in his madness.

"No . . . I've come to far to give up now, I have to go . . ."

Using all the strength and energy he possessed in his small body, he picked himself up, trying to stand on his knees as they wobbled underneath him. Resting his burning right palm against the floor, he pushed all his weight on his hand and stood up, wincing in the pain that overtook him. He felt like puking up whatever lay inside him, felt like leaving his body behind. His eyes were half-closed, hallucinating the door to his freedom. The door swung open, not that he saw the people standing there, Sakano, Shuichi, his cousin, Suguru, and three other NG employees. He only saw the door to happiness open, wide open for him. Almost as if he were in a marathon, he sprung off his legs, not sure where he found the strength, and ran out the office, running as fast as hid legs could carry him down the hallway. He didn't notice the drops of crimson dripping behind him with each step, didn't notice people were staring, didn't hear people screaming or telling him to stop. What he did notice was the numb feeling he always loved, was back. Only, he didn't want it back.

'No . . . . . ' his mind was screaming.

Tohma collapsed onto the floor, not feeling the pain wracking through him because the numbness was finally back. 'I don't want it back,' he thought. 'Go away, I'm finally free, so leave.' No one heard him or responded to him. His vision was getting worse with the blood he lost.

_Why have you forsaken me, _

_  
In your eyes forsaken me, _

In your thoughts forsaken me,

_In your heart forsaken, me oh,_

"Somebody call an ambulance!" That sounded like Sakano, he noted. He guessed he wasn't gone yet. Through blurry eyes he saw something white and soft being rubbed against his face. A cloth? That's what it felt like. 'Only a matter of time,' he thought. Never in his life did he ever think he'd be doing this. Ever. He guessed he deserved it though. He ruined everyone's lives, everyone he ever met, even the innocent soul of Eiri Uesugi. But worst of all, he hurt the one person he never wanted to hurt. Mika Seguchi. Was still still Mrs. Seguchi? He guessed not. Then, he hurt the person he cared for most in the world, despite what he said one particular night to Mr. Aizawa. He loved Mika more than anything else in the world.

_Trust in my self righteous suicide, _

_  
I, cry, when angels deserve to die, _

In my self righteous suicide,

_I, cry, when angels deserve to die._

"I'm sorry Mika . . . I'm so, so sorry. I love you . . ." were the last things that escaped his lips before darkness took over and he lost all feeling in his body, his mind slipping and he felt at peace. This was it. He was finally going to stop causing pain, he wasn't going to be a burden to anyone anymore, especially those he cared for. His last thoughts were 'I'm sorry . . . ' before he slipped from consciousness.

oooooooooooooooooo

Hey, what did you people think? Please review and tell me if you want a second chapter or not. Tohma's my favorite character so this was pretty damn hard to write, do you people think he should live or die if there is a second chapter? Personally, I vote no. But I want to hear your opinions first. That's all I have to say. -Invader Nicole


	2. Someday I Will

Hey people, again, this fic didn't post on the Gravitation section. How people find it and review I have no idea, but I thank them as much as I can. Thank you readers. As I had promised, I've made a second chapter, the idea on whether Tohma should live or die still balancing itself out on the point of my mind. I've decided (obviously) and think I'll like it nonetheless. I hope you enjoy, thank you again to anyone who reads. Also, I apologize for the lack of update, my lack of inspiration has seriously increased over time and I still can't believe it took me over a month to update a supposed one-shot. Gomen. I have to say though, this fic has been comforting to write, I myself have (tried and so far succeeding) in stopping my cutting habit. It's been a month and a week, much to me and my friends' relief. Thank you for reading, arigato readers. Ja ne (later).

Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami, and the song, 'Someday' belongs to Nickelback.

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Chapter Two: Someday I Will

By Invader Nicole

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_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Those were the sounds that repeated themselves within the blank, white walls of the office. The fair-haired Grasper lay in the hospital bed, eyes closed to where and conscious slipping with each passing beep from the heart moniter. One of his visitors, his own brother-in-law really, sat in a chair next to the bed, watching the peaceful expression on the face of his older friend. Yuki sighed to himself, running his finger through his disheveled hair. His sister had called him earlier that day, screaming into the phone with what sounded like a sore and tired voice. All he understood from what she said was Seguchi was at the hospital and something terrible had happened. He quickly got dressed and left the house to the hospital his sister had told him they held the blonde musician.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose in agitation, when he arrived in the room he had been ushered out almost immediately by a doctor. Before he was pushed out of the room he saw why he wasn't allowed in, Tohma's whole body was literally dripping blood on the floor and his clothes, or what was left of them, stuck to his lithe figure as another doctor tried to wipe the blood away to clean the wounds. That had been about two or three hours ago, he'd only been in the room for a few minutes now, the doctors informing him it was alright if he visited as long as he didn't awaken the Grasper. Before entering Yuki asked them if Tohma would be okay, he never got an answer, only forgiving stares as the doctors turned away to attend to another patient.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Yuki glared at the heart moniter, glared at the lime-green line that zig-zagged every few seconds. He was worried it would stop beeping, he prayed to Buddha it didn't. He knew the older blonde to be annoying at times, but he never imagined this happening to him, ever. He knew Tohma was somewhat depressed after Mika had left him, Tohma had put up a facade in front of everyone, a smile whenever anyone was around. But Yuki saw beyond the charade, he knew his friend all too well, he saw passed the innocent 'Seguchi smile' that Tohma put on for almost everyone. Now Yuki wished he had talked passed the facade, passed Tohma's mask of fake cheer. He held his face in his hands, thinking about what to do when his thoughts were interrupted by a soft coughing. He looked to see that his friend had awoken.

Tohma's eyes slowly opened to form tired slits, he couldn't will himself to open them all the way. _'Am I dead yet?'_ he thought to himself. He turned his head to come face-to-face with his brother-in-law, Japan's best-selling author and major hottie, Eiri Yuki. Eiri Uesugi to Tohma and Eiri's family. No, he wasn't dead yet, unless heaven had angels with golden hair and eyes that held a piercing gaze. He could only wish that. Tohma sighed, trying to pull his right arm to brush the stray platinum blonde hair out of his blurry eyesight, he stopped as he noticed wires were running down his arm, needles feeding somewhat clear liquids into his body. Now that he noticed, there were many wires wrapped around him, as many bandages were wrapped around his body as well.

"Where am I?" he asked, silently scolding himself for the obvious answer.

"Your in Odaiba Hospital, you were brought here immediately after collapsing back at NG."

Now he remembered, he had tried to kill himself in his office. Something had stopped him, what though? His brain hurt just trying to remember, all he could recall was a lot of blood, lots of screaming, and a white light. A white light . . . . had he really almost been there? Had he really almost seen angels . . .?

"Eiri, pardon me for asking, but . . . what happened?"

Yuki, if possible, glared even more at the man that was almost like a father to him. His eyes softened as they gazed at the terrified and confused look of the Nittle Grasper synthesizer/keyboardist. _'He really doesn't remember,' _he thought to himself. Yuki turned his gaze at the wall opposite of them, not wanting to see Tohma, for the time being anyway. He clasped his hands together under his chin, balancing his elbows on his kneecaps before explaining.

"You tried to commit suicide, in your office no less. I wasn't there, but from what I heard from the workers and what I could get out of . . . Mika, you had cut yourself all over your whole body before screaming."

_'I screamed?'_

"People heard you screaming your lungs out and tried to enter your office, you had locked yourself in. When they finally got the door open you ran out, dripping blood the more you ran before finally fainting on the floor. The rest is obvious; someone called 911 and brought you here."

_'Why don't I remember?'_

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

"Seguchi?"

Tohma looked to Eiri when he called his name, not bothering to add the usual 'please call me brother.' It was obvious Eiri would never consider him a brother, especially since Mika had left, he wasn't his brother-in-law anymore. Mika wasn't his wife anymore. She had left him and he . . . Tohma gasped as memories from the past days flooded his mind. He ignored the wires, not caring if he accidentily ripped them from his skin. He clutched his head between his hands, whimpering softly to himself as he tried not to scream out again. He remembered now. Blood, everywhere. His screaming. The door opening. People screaming. Him running. Blackness consumed his eyesight and he woke up here. With Eiri.

_'Why . . .Why didn't I die? Why couldn't I have left already! I don't want to have to go through this anymore! I don't want to be here! I don't want to cause anymore pa-'_

Tohma found his thoughts interrupted as arms wrapped around him, holding him close to a warm body that wouldn't let him go. He looked to see, and sure enough it was Eiri.

"Don't cry anymore," the writer said in an almost emotionless tone.

_'I'm crying?'_

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Tohma reached his hands toward his face, tracing over the wet trails down his cheeks. He had been crying, he hadn't noticed. Eiri had, Eiri had noticed that the older blonde was crying and tried to comfort him. Tohma had a flashback of when he tried to comfort the close-to-crying writer when he said he wished to forget everything, Tohma asking in a sadly reassuring voice that he had remembered everything, hadn't he? The tables have turned, now it was the golden-haired monk/writer comforting the music president.

"Stop crying . . . brother."

Tohma pulled himself from Yuki and stared wide-eyed at him. Had Yuki just called him 'brother?'

_'Maybe I really am dead.'_

Tohma's thought was rudely interrupted as the hospital room door opened and in walked the last person he ever thought would be there.

"Mika?" he has his ex who stood in the center of the room.

"Tohma," she said curtly, her somewhat long chestnut brown bangs hiding part of her face from her ex-husband. An awkward silence befell the room as soon as Yuki's sister walked in, no one dared to speak despite the serious situation. Mika's indigo blue eyes scanned the NG president, making note of the many bandages tightly wrapped around his half-blanketed torso, arms to wrist, and most likely around his stomach and legs as well. She inwardly drew in from him. She had no idea about the impact her leaving him would've had on her husband. The man was physically scarred, minimally though. What was most wrecked were his eyes, he may have not cut them, but she could see a pain that would never heal. The vivid turquoise eyes she once loved were now a dull shade of fading teal, their shine lost as they stared at her. She could see tears wanting to be shed at the corners, she saw the misery she put him through.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

"I'm sorry, Miss Uesugi," Tohma finally said to break the silence between the two people he cared about the most. He looked away from the two, staring at the blanket that covered half his body, trying to resist the urge to breakdown again. "I apologize for keeping you to myself, I should have put your feelings into consideration instead of ignoring them."

"Tohma, I-"

"No, please. You had every right to leave, I hope that your happier now then you were before. I only wish to make you the happiest woman in the world, and if that is without me then so be it." Tohma finally looked up to Mika, trying to put up his facade, Mika noted. His eyes were closed in the cute curves they were usually in, smiling sweetly at her as if he'd complimented her. Mika saw past that, she could see the tears leaking from his up-curved eyes as he tried to keep his mask from breaking.

"Tohma," this time coming from Yuki. "Don't, just be yourself like you are around me." Yuki wished he hadn't said that, he could feel the room enter another awkward silence as what he said suddenly sunk in. "I didn't mean-"

"No, Eiri, your right. Again, I find myself lying to Mika, why? I don't know, but I apologize." Tohma turned to the somewhat sad-eyes look of his ex-wife, the same haunted look returning to his face as it had before. "As I stated before, I want you to be happy, that's all that matters to me. Please, be happy Mika, I hate seeing you upset."

Mika looked at the linoleum ground as Tohma stated the obvious. Of course he hated seeing her unhappy, he drove himself to this from grief. She wished she could've been less harsh now, at the moment, she just remembered being so angry with him. The doctors had told her that he had lost a lot of blood, far below what's considered lethal. If Tohma didn't try to re-cooperate at least some, he wouldn't survive.

"Mika?"

Mika looked to the person that she once shared a home with, noticing his voice sounded much softer then it had seconds ago. She tugged at the hem of her shirt before answering, "Yes, Tohma?"

"Not that it's any of my business, but is something the matter? You seemed distressed, more so than that day I last saw you."

Mika scoffed at this, her husband may have been an intelligent, manipulative, tactical man, but he was at some points naive on obvious problems. "No, nothing's wrong; my ex-husband is in the hospital and I find out he's been cutting himself until he almost bleed to death. The first thing I see when I walk in is my brother and ex hugging each other, and now I'm confused and guilt-ridden. I'm just peachy, Tohma."

Tohma looked as if he wanted to cry again, now that he noticed it, the awkward silence had started when Mika walked in to find Eiri Uesugi hugging him, trying to comfort him. Had she really been stressing when she heard the news? Had she even missed him or that of him at all? _'Is this what Mr. Shindou felt when I blamed him for Eiri being sick? Is this terrible pain I feel really caused by guilt, guilt that I had caused pain to not only my employee, my friend, but also my wife? Isn't that what I'm doing now as well?' _the Grasper couldn't help but ask himself.

Yuki's eyes narrowed at his older sister, he wondered if she saw the afflictive wounds her words were causing the bishounen. He could feel Tohma tremble a bit, fully knowing the Grasper would try to keep his emotions bottled up inside and try not to break down. He knew Tohma would try to put up his already broken mask, the one that said "That's fine, I don't care" and was usually followed by a silent threat. Yuki new because he himself wore the same mask as Tohma had, more a shell really, around him after New York and before he met Shu. It pained Yuki to see his friend afraid, afraid of what, he wasn't sure. "Uruse, Mika, shut up. Why don't you just leave now, you've done enough dam-" Yuki stopped himself as Tohma held up his hand.

"Yuki . . . it's okay, Mika is correct. A stupid question, therefore I got a stupid answer."

Mika gave him a cold stare before continuing, "Tohma, I'm just saying the-"

The elder Uesugi sibling was stopped as the hospital room door was opened for a second time that hour. In walked a man with ash grey hair, a large bald spot forming at the pinnacle of his cranium, his bottle-glasses slightly slipping from the bridge of his nose every few steps as he strained his pale blue eyes to see where he was going. He pushed a cart into the room, stopping it a few feet from Tohma's bed before turning to the blonde and brunette twin-like siblings, opening the window near Tohma's bed at the same time. "I'm sorry you two, but Mr. Seguchi's bandages need to be changed right now. I'm sure he wouldn't want his brother and girlfriend here to witness this," the doctor said smiling to Tohma's supposed brother, Eiri, and girlfriend, Mika.

"We're not his-" Mika started before Yuki began to hurry her out the door, he didn't want her to finish the sentence. "Yes, doctor, we should be going now, anyway. Have a good day," Yuki bowed as he dragged his sister from the room.

"Matte, wait," came the soft reply from the blonde keyboardist/synthesizer, hoping to stop his ex-wife and friend. Yuki and Mika stared at him, expecting to say something to replace what the doctor had said. Instead they saw the window's sunlight glow around his almost pale body, casting an angelic aura around the early-thirties keyboardist, his eyes shining the brilliant aqua color they once held as he smiled at the two retreating forms. "I just want to let you guys know something. Know that, no matter what, I want you two to be happy. You've both made me happier than anyone else ever could, thank you. I love you guys so much, never forget that."

Yuki and Mika were silent, not knowing what to say for the first few minutes before smiling back to their friend, departing from the room after a few seconds that seemed to last an eternity. The doctor nodded, pleased that they had left, but walked to the hallway to make sure they didn't return. He returned to Tohma's side as he pulled back the covers to the blonde's bed, looking to the variety of medical instruments needed to put on the new bandages. "That's weird, I'm missing the scalpel, I'll be right back Mr. Seguchi, it would seem I forgot an instrument."

"By all means, take your time, you probably misplaced it on your way here. On an elevator, perhaps?" The doctor nodded, accepting Tohma's assumption before leaving the room again. Tohma sighed, he was so good at lying sometimes it was almost scary. He pulled the missing scalpel from under his pillow, staring at the gleam it gave off in the window's light. "I'm sorry Mika, I'm sorry Yuki . . . " Tohma whispered to no one as he hid the scalpel back under the pillow. "I'm sorry."

"Tohma, who are you talking to?"

The keyboardist broke from his thoughts to see he had another visitor, one only a year younger than him and having known him for quite some time. The Shuichi-like brown/green hair and cerulean blue eyes stared at him with fear and worry as Tohma looked away and took a glance at the pink bunny clutched in the man's arms'.

"Konichiwa, Ryuichi-san."

oooooooooo

Yuki stared at his lover as he sang the ending lyrics to their new hit song, watching with golden, lustful eyes as beads of sweat fell from Shuichi's face. The novelist noticed the singer had been dancing around more on stage, remembering the pink-haired genki mentioning that K and Sakano-san had hired them choreographers to 'please the public.' Yuki scoffed at this, practically all of Japan knew he and Shu were a couple so Yuki saw no point in pleasing the public when the public knew he was taken. Did this stop the fan-mail and rabid fan-girls from attacking he noth of them when they went out? Not in the least, he mentally noted himself to have a talk with Bad Luck's manager and producer as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, breathing in the cancer sticks wonderful healing medicine.

_Nee ii koto warui kotomo subete tashite (Hey, taking both the good times and the bad things, and adding everything together)_

_Ni de watte umaku ikete toki o koetai (and dividing by two, and getting along great -- I want to spend my life that way)_

_Toki o koetai! (I want to spend my life that way!)_

Yuki looked back at Shuichi as he belted out the last three lyrics to the new song, 'Super Drive.' He had to admit, it was somewhat catchy, with a hint of nostalgia hidden in it. He leaned off his usual stone wall, preparing to collect Shuichi so they could go home as usual. He stopped as he saw the 'God of Music', Sakuma Ryuichi, run onto the stage, happily carrying a piece of paper to the singer. After a few minutes of wild screams from the fans, over-joyous greetings between each vocalist, and confusion, Shuichi grinned at the audience as he held the microphone to his mouth.

"Minna genki! Good news to everyone, Ryuichi just brought me a new song by a friend and asked if we could play it for someone! Of course we will!"

Yuki leaned back against the stone wall and tried to tone out the screams of excitement, hoping it would go by quickly. He saw a tall, dark shadow approach and rest against the stone wall only two feet away from himself. He already knew it was K, the long ponytail of gold-blonde hair was obvious even in the dark as were the ocean blue cat-like eyes that seemed to glow and the smell of gunpowder.

"Good to see you here, Yuki-san."

Yuki grunted indicating that he had heard the manager as he continued to smoke his cigarette, hearing the crowds applause lessen making K's voice all the more louder through the shouts.

"You know who wrote the song, correct?"

"Ryuichi?" asked the writer, not really caring.

"Nope, it was Seguchi-san. He wrote it for Mika."

Yuki's eyebrows did the one tilt facial expression at the American, silently telling him to continue.

"He wrote the lyrics in the hospital and asked Ryuichi to give them to Shuichi, knowing he'd have a concert tonight. He asked me to invite Mika as well, saying it was for her, but to not mention that to her. She's over there, I brought her here already," K said as he pointed his thumb to the audience.

Yuki didn't need to say "which person, moron!", since it was obvious. Mika was the only person in the audience near the back that looked miserable and who wasn't cheering. He hated seeing his sister like this, yet he couldn't find himself to blame his best friend either. He sighed in agitation as he directed his attention back to the stage.

"This song is called 'Someday', written by Seguchi Tohma, keyboardist for Bad Luck. Hiro, Fujisaki, hit it!"

Hiro and Fujisaki nodded, each overlooking their own sheets given my Ryuichi, the song starting out with a dramatic violin (by the synthesizor being operated by Fujisaki) and followed by Hiro's electric guitar before Shuichi sang the lyrics filled with emotion.

_How the hell did we end up like this?_

_Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed_

_And try turn the tables_

_I wish you'd unclench your fists, and unpack your suitcase_

_Lately there's been too much of this,_

_But don't think it's too late_

_Nothing's wrong, just as long as_

_You know that someday I will_

Drums backed up the lyrics, the music growing in to the beat as Shuichi yelled out the lyrics to the loud melody.

_Someday, somehow_

_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_

_I know your wondering when_

_(You're the only one who knows that)_

_Someday, somehow_

_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_

_I know your wondering when_

Shuichi's voice softened to a lighter tone as the guitar filled in more with the drumbeat, in tune with the air guitar on the synthesizor for lack of instruments.

_Well I'd hope that since we're here anyway_

_We could end up saying_

_Things we've always needed to say_

_So we could end up staying_

_Now the story's played out like this_

_Just like a paperback novel_

_Let's rewrite an ending that fits_

_Instead of a Hollywood horror_

_Nothings wrong, just as long as _

_You know that someday I will_

_Someday, somehow_

_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_

_I know you're wondering when_

_(You're the only one who knows that)_

_Someday, somehow_

_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_

_I know you're wondering when_

_(You're the only one who knows that)_

Hiro's electric guitar rang out in a chorus as Shuichi yelled the last lyrics, continuing into a solo to match the strong emotions being emitted by the singer and lyrics of the song before Shuichi began again.

_How the hell we wind up like this?_

_Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed_

_And try to turn the tables_

_Now the story's played out like this_

_Just like a paperback novel_

_Let's rewrite an ending that fits_

_Instead of a Hollywood horror_

_Nothings wrong just as long as_

_You know that someday I will_

_Someday, somehow_

_I'm gonne make it all right but but right now_

_I know you're wondering when_

_(You're the only one who knows that)_

_Someday, somehow_

_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_

_I know you're wondering when_

_(You're the only one who knows that)_

_I know you're wondering when_

_(You're the only one who knows that)_

_I know you're wondering when_

The last lyrics drifted away as Shuichi looked to the crowd for a reaction, receiving many cheers for the song he didn't even write. Ryuichi ran back on the stage and glomped the pick-haired vocalist, yelling happily how good he'd done. Yuki ignored the growing jealousy of the 31-year-old as he hugged his lover, letting his vision go to the song's receiver. Mika sat in her seat, frozen and unmoving as everyone else around her yelled for another encore song. She mouthed one inaudible word. 'Tohma', as a tear rolled down her cheek and she left the concert. Yuki fought with all his will power to follow her, knowing his friend and sister had to be alone to talk things over. He hoped it wasn't too late as the song said, he hoped things could change, today and now.

oooooooooo

Squeek, gomen again, I guess this won't be a one-shot or a two-shot, but a three-shot. (Insert sweat drop) Gomen, gomen, gomen, gomenasai! Apologize for lateness and hope that you guys like the last chapter, it seems I hadn't predicted the ending of this fic until a few minutes ago. Note, it's 1:54 a.m. on the 24th of April, this is how bad my writer's block is, a whole month to decide the friggin' ending. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I've decided the ending, and I pray it doesn't take me a whole month to update. Please review and ja ne. -Invader Nicole


	3. Until the Day I Die

I'm so sorry for taking long, long months to post the final chapter of 'When Angels Die.' There really is no excuse for taking so much time on a three chapter story. Life's been insane, I'll leave it at that. Right now my knuckles and fingers are dark red/purple, my parents and I got into another argument and it resulted in my punching my bedroom walls out of anger. It is better than cutting though, there are only so many excuses one can use until the little gears in a persons mind begin to turn. Anyway, here is the final chapter. Enjoy. -Invader Nicole

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Gravitation' nor do I own the song 'Until the Day I Die.' Gravi is owned by Maki Murakami and the song is owned by Three Days Grace. Also, if you get a chance, read 'Kanpai!' by Miss Murakami, really funny.

_(song lyrics)_

_(memories from the past along with what's being said_)

oooooooooo

Chapter Three: Until the Day I Die

By Invader Nicole

oooooooooo

_Until the day I die  
I'll spill my heart for you, for you  
Until the day I die  
I'll spill my heart for you_

As years go by  
I race the clock with you  
But if you died right now  
You know that I'd die to  
I'd die too

Car tires screeched as Mika made a sharp turn at the corner and drove seventy miles down the street to Odaiba Hospital, trying to avoid hitting any other cars or mainly people. Those song lyrics still haunted her, refusing to erase themselves from her mind. _'How the hell did we end up like this? Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed and try turn the tables? I wish you'd unclench your fists, and unpack your suitcase. Lately there's been too much of this, but don't think it's too late. Nothing's wrong, just as long as you know that someday I will.'_ Those words made her realize what he had been going through, she saw that he had tried to fix things, but couldn't anymore. White knuckles gripped the steering wheel as she tried to keep her car from winding off the road, not caring if the police stopped her.

_'Please don't let him die,'_ was her only thought as she crossed her fourth red light. She silently cursed at Shuichi's concert being so far from Odaiba, she still had another two miles to go. "Please don't leave, Tohma" she whispered to herself. She shivered as the sound of a synthesizer filled the air around her, sounding much like the one she first heard when she and Tohma met.

_"I don't want to," said a seventeen-year-old Mika Uesugi to her father as he drove his car to the Seguchi residence._

_"And why not, Mika? He's a nice lad, besides, it's not like I'm making you marry him. We just want you to meet him. His father told me that he's an intelligent young man with the desire to become the shacho of a music company." He made a final left turn into a gravel driveway and parked the car before turning back to his eldest child, "besides, he is quite a catch. I think you'll like him, now c'mon."_

_Mika sighed; no use fighting it now. "I still say this is a waste of time, he'll probably be some snobby rich teenager that just has hormones on the brain," she said as she grabbed her purse and got out of the car._

_The two walked to the entrance of a large oak made house, which she thought resembled her fathers shinto shrine very much; sakura trees blowing softly in the spring air. 'How'd these two meet again . . .' she wondered as a man answered the door. She made a deep bow and announced the usual 'Ohayo gozaimasu, hajimemashite' to the owner of the house; sneaking a peak to see he had ear-length platinum blonde hair and dark blue eyes outlined by thin oval-shaped glasses. She also noted that he had on a business suit, 'Great, a suit.'_

_"I'm very pleased to see you, Seguchi-san," her father said after bowing to the blonde._

_"Hai, and I'm glad to see you as well, Uesugi-san," he said back. "What a pretty, young girl. Your daughter, I presume?"_

_"Yes, yes she is. I brought her here to meet your son. He is here, right?"_

_"Yes, he's in the music room," the older Seguchi said as he turned to Mika. "You can go see him if you want, just turn a left at the entrance and go down the hall to the last door on the right," he said smiling at the already bored teen._

_"Thank you, Seguchi-san." Mika left the two to converse as she took off her ankle-length brown boots and left them at the entrance of the door, following the orders given by who she guessed was the boy's father._

_'His father seemed nice, maybe his son won't be so bad,' she thought as she neared the last door. As she reached for the doorknob she paused, listening quietly as a faint noise filled the air. As she listened close she learned that it was a soft melody, one that she found soothing to her ears. Mika leaned against the door to listen better, closing her eyes as she let her hearing senses enhance. She didn't even notice when the music ended, her mind still stuck on the hypnotic symphony. What she did notice was when the door opened from the inside and she fell forward, having been leaning on the door to better hear the music that was now away from her mind as she prepared to hit the wooden floor._

_'This floor is pretty soft,' she thought as she opened her eyes to see that she hadn't landed on the floor at all, but on something an ocean blue color instead. What she mistook for softness was actually the smooth, white skin on a lithe figure with a blue-colored shirt and ebony pants._

_"Ummm . . . Miss? Are you alright? You're not hurt, are you?" asked a soft voice. Mika looked towards the wearer of the shirt to discover an alabaster face with messy, platinum blonde hair and large, aqua eyes; large oval-framed glasses hanging crookedly from his face. 'Wow, he's cute,' she thought, then realizing she was lying right on top of him after she had fallen._

_"Gomenasai!" she yelled as a blush rose to her cheeks, getting up quickly and brushing herself off as she bowed deep and low, lending her hand to the fallen bishounen. He looked at her hand then back at her, laughing softly as he accepted her hand and was lifted back on his feet. "I really am sorry, Seguchi-san," she said, not daring to look at his face as her face was still a bit red._

_"It's alright, really miss . . ." he said, trailing off since he hadn't exactly met her yet._

_"Uesugi Mika."_

_"Ah, so your Uesugi-san." He smiled, bowing to her before tilting his head to the right and smirking. "My name is Seguchi Tohma, I'm glad to meet you. My father was right, you really are cute," Tohma said innocently._

_"Huh?" Mika mumbled._

_You remind me of the times  
When I knew who I was (I was)  
But still the second hand will catch us  
Like it always does_

We'll make the same mistakes  
I'll take the fall for you  
I hope you need this now  
Cause I know I still do

Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you  
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you

Mika shook her head, willing herself to be rid of that memory. Although it was an embarrassing way to meet someone, she found herself glad she had met Tohma and they got along since then. Recognizing the tall, white building as the hospital she quickly parked her black sports car, slamming the door shut and running to the entrance before she could catch a breath. She asked what room Seguchi Tohma was in, knowing the hospital's routine of changing patients into different rooms for one reason or another. The nurse gave her a look before sighing, opening a file cabinet next to her desk. Mika tapped her fingernails against the marble desktop, growing impatient with the nurse. Just when she was about to leave the nurse pulled out a form and said "Room 429, up on the fourth floor."

Mika thanked the nurse and ran towards the elevators, pressing the button with great force before it finally descended onto the first floor and opened. She got in and pressed for the fourth, praying no one would stop her as most hospitals have patients that need to go to different rooms. 'Go faster, go faster,' she thought as each ping in the room meant they had completed one floor. On the fourth ping she stormed out of the elevator, running past open doors and stealing quick glances through the partially open ones. On the last room she noticed it was closed and that the room number said '429'. Her hands went to the door handle before her mind ever registered it and tried to turn the handle, stopping when she realized the door was locked.

'Tohma!' she thought as she frantically tried opening the door, trying not to make as much noise as possible since everyone else seemed to be asleep. 'Tohma, please open this door, please!' Finally reaching her limit she pulled out a credit card, sliding it against the doors lock mechanism and successfully opening it. She smiled as she fully opened the door, but her smile disappeared as she walked into the room to find a large trail of blood growing thinner as it led to the window where she saw Tohma Seguchi sitting against the railing; a silhouette against the cast moonlight. He turned to her, a haunting smile on his lips and puffy eyes.

"Konbanwa, Mika, what brings you here?"

She stared wide-eyed at him, wanting to scream out 'that stupid song you wrote' and that she didn't want to leave, but she didn't. Instead she said "I've come to clean the mess you made," as she pulled one of the white hospital towels that sat atop a chair next to the wall.

"You don't have to, Mika, it's my own mess to clean up. Besides, there seems to be far too much of it to clean alone with one towel."

'You're right,' she thought as she looked at the small white towel in her hands. She noted that not only the floor was slippery with blood, but his hospital gown along with his hands, ankles and feet were worn with the crimson liquid as well. Sighing in defeat she walked towards him, stopping her short pace as she saw his body grow tense as her presence. Instead she sat on his rooms bed so that she could be closer to him without him having to shrink back any farther from her. 'He looks so scared right now.' His large teals eyes watched her, quivering at the cold night air that blew against his back in the open darkness, his lower body recoiled at the windows frame as he peacefully sat there.

"Tohma," she said, surprised as her voice cracked. He didn't respond to his name. "Tohma." again no response. "Tohma, goddamnit please listen to me!" she yelled, somewhat satisfied when he finally looked at her in a 'yes?' sort of way. "Come home, just please come home now."

An awkward silence passed between the two before Tohma, eyes half closed gazed away from her and said, "I'm sorry, Mika, but I can't. I don't belong there."

_Should I bite my tongue?  
Until blood soaks my shirt  
We'll never fall apart  
Tell me why this hurts so much_

My hands are at your throat  
And I think I hate you  
But still we'll say, "remember when"  
Just like we always do  
Just like we always do

Mika bit back a cry, not wanting to cry at a moment like this. "In your song you said you wanted to make things right, but you didn't now when. I want to help make things right, and you can help by coming home, today and now!" she said, her voice cracking again as silent tears rolled down her eyes. She brushed them away only to be replaced by new ones. "Remember when we met, it was so awkward. You said I was cute and I just got mad and accused you of being a guy that thinks only on looks. You ended up kissing me to make me shut up. And I remember when we got married you said _"I'd spill my heart for you, until the day I die."_ I don't you to die Tohma, I really don't. So please, come inside the room right now, I don't want us to be like this over a silly argument. I love you."

Time seemed to pass slowly between the two, an eternity as Mika sat there waiting, shivering at the answer her ex-husband might giver her. "Mika," he said quietly, "thank you." Tohma rose slowly, his muscles aching from being in that position for so long. Untwisting his left leg from the bend in his right knee he started to get up, but froze as his legs caved under him, having slipped on the blood that had dripped onto the railing. He fell backwards from the window and stared in horror as gravity took over.

"Tohma!"

_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you  
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you_

Yeah I'd spill my heart!  
Yeah I'd spill my heart for you!

My hands are at your throat  
And I think I hate you  
We made the same mistakes  
Mistakes like friends do

Tohma's eyes were lidded shut, not daring to see what was either the hard concrete floor or pure black. To his surprise he heard Mika's voice yelling at him. "Tohma! Tohma, don't let go, don't you dare let go!" Tohma opened his eyes to see that he wasn't smashed against the floor, but that Mika held a tight grip around his wrist, her other hand holding onto the window frame, and his own hand wrapped tightly around her wrist. "Help me pull you up!" she said through grit teeth.

'I can just let go right now,' thought Tohma. 'If I let go Mika will have nothing to worry about and I can be free, but . . . . . I don't think I want to go just yet.'

"Tohma! Your hand's slipping! C'mon, hurry!"

Tohma sighed, his body this hurt from the day before. With what he thought was all the physical strength he possessed left he pushed against the wall of the hospital and forced himself up, Mika pulling him inside of the window and out of danger. He panted softly, trying to regain what little power in his arms and legs. His body rested on something soft and warm, his cheeks growing red as it dawned on him that he had done what his wife had done when they literally first met; he had fallen right on top of her after she saved him. "I'm sorry, Mika," he mumbled, trying to get up from the body of his wife. To his utter shock she held onto him, long thin arms wrapped tightly around his waist, not wanting him to leave, her face against his shirt and wetting it as she cried.

"Don't you dare do something as stupid as that ever again!" she half-yelled through sobs as she continued to embrace him, his chin resting atop her head now, not wanting to leave her.

"I won't, Mika, I won't," he promised her as he gazed out the moon through the window; her cherry blossom scent filling his senses.

_My hands are at your throat  
And I think I hate you  
We made the same mistakes  
Made the same mistakes_

Until the day I die  
I'll spill my heart for you, for you

Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you, for you  
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you  
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
Until the day I die!

oooooooooo

Hello everyone, well, this is the end to 'When Angels Die'. I had originally planned to have Tohma be alive, then not, then yes, then no, etc. It was very mind-racking until I came up with this ending that I believe suits the story well enough. About the 'cherry blossom scent' I had the idea of adding that in since sakura trees was the first thing she saw of Tohma's house other than the actual house. Strange, I know. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this fic and I'm sorry again it took so long to update. Good-bye. -Invader Nicole


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